Monday

After not sleeping well last nite, and getting up earlier than I usually do, we made it to the dr's appts. downtown today.

My hematologist, a Godly Christian man, entered the exam room and saw how weary I looked, then leaned close to me and said "this is only for a season, it won't last forever, remember that, okay?" I cried and was so thankful for his sensitivity and caring and before long, there was a smile where tears had been. Did he promise me health on a silver platter? No. He just reinforced the fact that this won't last forever and that as Christians, we have so much waiting for us that one day, all this will simply fade into distant memory.

He decided to post-pone the phlebotomy when he saw how stressed and tired I was. He also ordered additional blood work and I will get the results tomorrow morning. If needed, I will have the phlebotomy done at a local cancer center rather than have to go back downtown to have it done.

He also determined that I need to stay off the platelet medication until we find out what's going on with my liver. It's enlarged and at times, causes pain. I will see a specialist in that field on July 6. He is hoping the platelet medication hasn't caused liver damage, which is a possibility with that drug.

I saw the neurosurgeon next and she confirmed that I do not need surgery. Good news. She showed me the MRI pictures and explained what can happen as we get older ... the disks in the lower back squeeze together and nerve endings end up in places they shouldn't be. She believes that is partly the cause of the foot pain and neuropathy. She prescribed a Medrol dose pak , believing that medication will enable the inflammation to go down and hopefully help the pain subside. I will be seeing a neurologist on a regular basis, she feels I need that, and my first appt. with that Dr. is this Wed. morning downtown. She also arranged for someone from their pain clinic to call & set up an appt. She said there are numerous ways to deal with pain, and hopefully they will have an answer as to what will work best for me. She mentioned the injection they put into your spine as one of the treatments. My mother-in-law has had this done and it helped her tremendously.

Something my hematologist said has stayed with me today..."we are not made for this world and much of our disappointment comes when things just don't seem to go as we think they should ... we need to understand that as Christians, our Home is yet to come and it is only there that we will find real answers to real problems. Suffering being among the big ones we face."

Again I thank you for praying for me. I pray for Hal each night and for others who I know are dealing with chronic health issues and the depression that comes along with them. I told my dr today that I have been in such a dark place and I feel as though I have been twisted into a shape I didn't recognize as me ... and he said "pain will do that, I understand".

That's what I need to offer to others ... the fact I know what pain can do ... turn you inside out and make you wonder about your own sanity ... make you question most everything you ever thought to be true ... and just when you think you can't handle another minute of it, relief comes ... however slight it may be, it comes and you can take a deep breath and relax just a bit before it hits again. Thank the Lord my dr was right when he said "this is only for a season ... it won't last forever ..."

My love to you all, always.