Sunday, November 24, 2013

Another forgotten post ... Sept. 4, 2009

So very hot and humid in this part of the world today. Way too hot and humid for me to be outside. It feels like something heavy is sitting on my chest when I venture out in weather like this. Not a good feeling at all.

I'm still dealing with pain and depression and just a feeling of worthlessness. I know the cause ... it's all the health issues I deal with ... asthma, bronchiectasis, fibromyalgia, essential thrombocythemia, IBS, housebound-ness and my often froggy vocal cords tops the list. I've debated seeing the doctor and I know she'll most likely want to prescribe an anti-depressant; however, all those I've read about can cause interference with other med's I'm on and the last thing I need is to feel worse than I already do. The med's I take for the platelet issue make me jittery and my heart races like mad within an hour of taking it. The med's for asthma do much the same thing ... I find myself wondering just how much my heart can handle. Then I realize I can handle more than I think I can.

Some days are just harder than others. And I know that I should be giving thanks, but that's hard to do too. I feel like I could run away, but to where? No 'place' can give me the answer I need; it's found only in a Person and perhaps that's something I need to learn in all this. I must run to Him and trust Him explicitly with every problem I face.

I don't mean to sound like such a downer, but this is simply where I am just now. I've asked God to make me real and I think this is part of the process. This is really where I am and I don't like it. Life is often harder than we'd like to admit. Thankfully this won't last forever.

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