Snow days aren't what they used to be. I slept later than usual this morning and that served to set the theme for the day. Slow going and behind in everything is how I've felt. And tired. For me to lie down mid-day and sleep is unusual but that's what I've done three days in a row. It's as though someone has pulled a plug and I'm done for a few hours. Is this part of getting older??? Or is it part of my health issues? Or both?
Some days I easily forget that I am 60 years old and have health issues that can affect me differently on different days. Today and yesterday and the day before have all been those kind of days. It's easy to become depressed this time of year too.
Some days I think that if weren't for the grand-girls I'd skip right through Christmas. Not sure why that is, but that's how I feel. I want to be joyful and energetic and upbeat and for the most part I think I am. But days like this serve to remind me life here isn't always as I'd like it to be. I need to learn to take the down with the up and rest in the fact God knows and loves me anyway.
A concern I've had for as long as I can remember is that I'm not living up to what is expected of me and that I'm displeasing not only God but those closest to me. That I'm not a good enough wife, or Mom, or Grandma, or daughter, or sister, or aunt. And truth be told, I'm not. I'm simply not who I'd like to be all the time. I've disappointed people and I'm sorry for that. Seems I've spent a lot of time feeling sorry for things in my life. I know much of it stems back to childhood. Home life wasn't an easy one and growing up wasn't as it should or could have been. But you deal with what you're given the best you can and make the most of it as best you can. Learn to leave the past back there and get on with today.
Some days that's easier said than done.
Yes, Weezy it's easy to get depressed... especially thios time of year! You like me are the oldest of 8 children. You certainly haven't let down your family nor have I. Being the eldest... especially in a large family for some reason makes you feel responsible for everyone.
ReplyDeletep.s. I love you... we are so alike!
ReplyDeleteOh Trish,it's so good to read your comments ... you do know how I feel, don't you? When do we stop feeling like this?
ReplyDeleteI could have written this exact same post. This year Christmas overwhelms me, yet I feel I would let the family down if I didn't carry on as usual. Every thing is a supreme effort. Maybe it is the fact that we're 60, I'm not sure. All I know is it's 2:30 in the afternoon and I feel like I need a nap. Some days I feel like I'm not worth 2 cents...but like you, it's not every day. Thank the Lord, there's always tomorrow.
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