It is Tuesday evening and I've come upstairs to get ready for bed. Thought I'd catch up on all your posts & let you know about me. I was doing so much better last week and Thursday afternoon I hit a wall, or so it seemed. I developed severe pain in the upper part of my spine ... that traveled to the back of my head and I had nausea on top of all that. After my daughter-in-law (nurse) came & talked with me I decided it was best to let my Fred take me to E.R. I spent about 7 hours there & was then transported to the hospital for an overnight stay & more tests the next morning. All testing came back normal ... by all I mean 2 CT scans; chest ex-ray; EKG; blood work & an IV (not fun cause I have pitiful veins) and a lumbar puncture. The next day I had an Echo cardiogram & a medically induced stress test. The final conclusion: Probably a migraine brought on by the disc problems I have in my neck. I came home Friday afternoon, utterly exhausted and hurting, but way better than when I went into the E.R. I went to my regular Dr. yesterday afternoon & she gave me new medications to try. Thankfully I feel better tonight than I have since last Thursday about 1:00pm.
Now, after saying all that, I have a question for you: What about the ministers who teach that God wants us well? I know of one in particular who has a series on this right now. I have at times struggled with the statement that we're supposed to always be well, never sick ... and my first question to myself is: If He wants us well, why aren't we? What am I doing to NOT be well? Am I out of His will because I have the health issues I do? Don't I have enough faith to believe for complete healing? Don't I trust Him enough? Is there something I'm supposed to be doing that I'm not doing? Is He angry or upset with me because .....?
Do you understand what I'm trying to say? If we're supposed to be well all the time, why are so many good, Christian people dealing with serious health issues? I have a friend who contacted polio as a child .. today she uses leg braces & crutches but praises the Lord in spite of them. Then there's my blogging friend Deena ... I know she loves the Lord but she's dealing with cancer. And little Ashley ... why has she experienced such traumatic health issues at such a young age? Then I think of Zach, the little boy in my class who has Autism; and Sarah, the little girl who is a Downs' child ... what about them? I could go on and on with examples.
I could sincerely use your input on this ... as I thought about it earlier today these words came to me ..."My grace is sufficient" ... that's all I heard in my spirit ... "My grace is sufficient". Sufficient to see me through whatever I'm dealing with at the moment? Of course. But how far do we take that verse? For me, right now, I take it to mean His grace will be all I need to get me through this time of illness. His grace is enough for tonight and tomorrow and all the tomorrows I have this side of heaven ... then it will be enough to take me there when it's my time to go.
One thing before I close this tonight. While the echo cardiogram & stress test were being done, 3 dear ladies were in the room with me. A nurse, the technician and a lady who recorded my heart rate ... two for sure were Christians ... all three were specially kind and gentle ... and when the pictures of my heart showed up on the screen of that machine they all said "Oh you should see these pictures! You have a lovely heart..." Before I left the room, the technician showed me those pictures and I was reminded that it's God's grace allowing it to beat and if there's any loveliness at all, it comes from Him.
While I've not seen echo cardiograms of any of you, I know for a fact you all have lovely hearts too. Thank you for reading. I cherish each of you.
Good night and may God bless.
There's an instance in the Bible where Jesus was ministering to the crowds of people. They were lined up to see Him one on one - looking for healing. He could've said, "All of you be healed" - and it would have been done. He chose not to do so. Instead - He ministered to some and then wnet inside and rested (we know this because the Bible goes on to say...the next morning....) People were still waiting. They had waited all night. Jesus told Peter that it was time for Him to go to Jerusalem. He left a lot of disappointed people who didn't receive a healing. ....just an observation from His Word. I struggle with the "name it and claim it mentality." I believe that as Christians, we have authority in Christ...but I also see how God works --and He doesn't always heal all of us (at least in the way we hope or think we should be healed....I'm thinking in particular of dear Arlene. She was definitely healed --and is rejoicing with Jesus --but I am aware of tons of people who had the faith to believe that her healing would occur on this earth.
ReplyDeleteI guess it all goes back to --we're not to question God - just trust Him --for He always knows best and works His will.
....praying for you!!
Dearest Louise, I have struggled with this too and have come to the conclusion that God is Soverign and He can use sickness and disability for His purpose.
ReplyDeleteI was born with a congenital eye disease and later on developed hearing problems which made me lose my jobs. In India there is nothing for disabled people.
All this was very disappointing and painful to bear and God taught me the lessons of life through some very dark times.
I don 't condone the health/wealth/prosperity Gospel
Hi Louise! I'm glad to see you are back to posting sometimes again. I came over to visit and catch up.
ReplyDeleteIt is too bad to admit it, but the truth I see in myself is that God's purpose of conforming me to His likeness would never be accomplished in me through constant health and prosperity and everything going smoothly. It is in the times when I feel my own weakness that I learn to depend on Him. I don't know if you are like that, too. I wish that it did not take the bad things to turn my thoughts more to Him, but that is what I see happen so many times. Learning to depend on Him in faith just does not happen when I can depend on myself just fine. Even seeing this clearly in myself, I still struggle with these questions and have not yet learned to welcome the trials for what they are... What is my problem??!!
Louise,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, a big warm comforting (((((hug))))) to you. You sound like you need one. I wish I could offer some wisdom, but I am not a sage scholar. I can only offer my thoughts and prayers on your behalf. I wish for your comfort and that you find yourself in a good place despite the pain. Love. Love to you. Sweet prescence in thought since I can't be there to sit and listen and help. May His blessings become evident to you.
(another hug) Teresa