Thinking....

It's been a while since I've written about what is going on in my life. Not sure why, maybe I didn't want to bother anyone. Maybe it's wanting to keep things quiet. Or perhaps, it's wishful thinking. Thinking that if I don't admit what's going on, it really isn't happening.

That doesn't work ya know. Whether we admit it or not, life is happening and it often happens not as we had planned, or purposed.

My days have been filled with doctor's appointments. Checking for this and for that, but never coming to any conclusion as my husband said just the other day.

On Saturday, Feb. 18, I was in two emergency rooms. After having a nose bleed that they couldn't stop or bring under some sort of control, the first doctor had me go to a larger hospital downtown. There, a very nice dr., an ENT specialist, was able to stem the flood of blood, and after seven hours of bleeding and 9 hours in hospital emergency rooms, my husband was able to bring me home.

Whew! We were both bone tired. Neither of us had eaten a thing all day. And, my blood pressure was up most likely due to the stress of the day and because I hadn't taken any medication.

I have been on blood thinners since early November. Seems there's a blood clot in the right Iliac artery and it could be serious. The vascular dr. wanted me on blood thinners in hopes it would decrease the clot. Not so.  The follow-up visit in January showed the clot is right where it's been since August of 2011.  So the decision was made to put me on blood thinners.

Since I already take a full aspirin each day, the addition of blood thinners make life .... ummm...
interesting. I don't dare get cut and I have to be careful with bruising and bleeding. Hence the fear when the nose bleed started.  I will see another ENT specialist tomorrow and depending on his diagnosis, I may have the stent procedure that was originally scheduled for Thurs., Feb. 23.  The vascular dr. determined that a stent was the best thing for me.

In the meantime, I was taken off Coumadin, and put on Lovenox injections. Two per day. They hurt. And they leave very bad bruising. And nodules within the bruises. That all makes for one very sore stomach, which is the place the injections have to go.

Oh, I've forgotten to mention that I spent the week of Thanksgiving, 2011, in the hospital also! But that was 8 days that proved a bit successful. The doctors finally determined was is wrong with my feet. I have thought for years that it was neuropathy and the pain that comes with that. Turns out, it is a condition called Erythomalalgia, which is secondary to the Myeloproliferative Blood Disorder that I have.  After years, there is finally a name. And it took the determination of one lady doctor, a very pretty Muslim doctor, to find out what that name is. Bless her Lord!

She told me, along with confirmation from other doctors, that I will always have pain. There is nothing that can be done except to lessen that pain with the help of plain old aspirin! It took a weight off of me just knowing what is really wrong with me.

So, here I am. Feeling once again as though I'm in limbo. Waiting for a procedure that will help the clot and get me off these injections. Waiting for the okay from the ENT that there is nothing seriously wrong so that procedure can be done.

And, in the meantime, I've learned not to panic when I cough up blood. That is normal for me because I also have Bronchiectasis and that condition affects my lungs and that makes me at times, cough up blood.

Oh friends! Don't take your health for granted. I have come to understand that one or more of these conditions will help me transfer from this life to the next and I have no idea when that might be. The way I feel some days, it could be very close. But then, I rally a bit and things are okay again. Or as okay as they can be.

I've come to realize that a new normal is something I've heard about, but never given much thought to. Until it happened to me.  I am now living in the new normal of my life. At times I will grieve because of the things I can no longer do, things I no longer have a desire to do. But that's part of this process. Saying good-bye to things that I once held dear.

I'm learning to grasp with both hands the things that do matter! My Jesus! What a blessed thing it is to know that my Jesus loves ME. That I not only know Him, but that He knows me.

As each day closes, I tell Him how much I love Him and I praise Him for He alone is worthy to be praised. And I give Him my life, my soul as I go to sleep each night. May I bring glory to Him, either by living or by dying. Amen. So be it.

I thank you for reading this. There is much more I could write, but this is enough for now.

May our Lord Jesus Christ be ALL to you!

Blessings my dear friends.